waking up cold: alright I need more blankies
waking up hot: covers thrown everywhere. sweat behind the kneecaps. 3 dead. the pillow is the sun. critical condition.
why does facebook chat only work when my message contains the words Mark Zuckerburg right now
I hate when I smile at a stranger and they don’t smile back I’m doing this for you fucker
From now on, instead of explaining what asexuality is, I’m just sending people this gif
if you go to hell for being bad why wouldn’t satan reward you for it why does he make you suffer wtf id be like hell yeah motherfucker you my nigga lets party
i started to laugh and then i realized that this is actually a really valid question
Alternatively, if Satan punishes sinners, why isn’t he considered good?
If the Pope dies, is he being promoted or fired?
We’re becoming self aware
"Holy mother of Mary Shelley!"
"What the Tolkien?"
"By Victor Hugo’s spare underpants!"
"Jesus, Mary and Joseph Conrad!"
"Pardon my Molière, but I don’t give a Faulkner."
Thank you supernatural fandom
i want realistic modern fantasy like
someone finding a dragon egg and livetweeting the process of trying to hatch it (with no prior knowledge on how a dragon egg should be hatched)
a guy selling an enchanted sword on craigslist
a tattoo artist who does spell runes but for really mundane stuff like conjuring a bound demonic pen or for summoning your keys
summoning a demon for the vine
selfies with mermaids
prank calling wizards